Here on Earth

Lockdown: Day 4

4:24 PM

Yes, it’s the fourth day of the lockdown. It felt like any other Sundays (while it’s Wednesday). The children next door are all outside now. Playing basketball, wrestling over unknown issue. Just know, a corn vendor passed by, hmnnn, the delicious smell of sweet corn is in the air.

I don’t feel bored. Oh, does introvert ever feel bored when stuck at home? No, because i introverts don’t use “stuck” when at home. We find joy each time we stay at home.

There’s so much I can do at home. Read books, paint – acrylic, oil, or watercolor, draw, sculpt, do skin care, sew, clean the house. There’s so much to do.

I just feel uneasy, in a sense that I don’t know if this one month lockdown will be strictly implemented. I have a whole slew of things I want to do. I don’t know how to efficiently use my time.

My sister’s sleeping now, nursing a cough and colds. We’re praying this is not because of the Covid 19, but just her body’s normal reaction to some vitamins she’s not used to drinking.

It’s my sister’s birthday, too, and for the first time in a long time, we’re not celebrating it with the whole family. It’s quite sad, but we all have to go through this situation.

I am also praying for my immediate healing, my phlegm is not improving, and each day I breathe through God’s grace that I’ll be fine until this ordeal is over, and that He’ll heal me soonest.

These are the days when I just have to trust and claim God’s grace in my life. Isolated. Physically helpless. But moving forward through His love.

Here on Earth

Lockdown: Day 2

8:09 PM

Watching the news, with the President speaking making new announcements, while also fixing the groceries I bought from our Cooperative store at work. We were still at work when the news broke out that the entire Luzon is under an “enhanced community lockdown”.

I realized I don’t have enough goods in stock. Whey protein, chia seeds, and mass gainer are all I have in bulk. Need to do grocery. I had to leave work early and do a quick shopping in our Cooperative store. Praise God that we have this kind of facility. I didn’t have to endure long queue and uncertain amount of stocks in supermarkets.

I was also happy that I only paid Php 1,980.00 for a bag load of canned goods, condiments, and toiletries. Convenient and cheaper! Thank you, Lord!

I was also blessed with a favor from an officemate; she willingly drove and dropped me off in our place, so I can bring home my stash.

As I was fixing my groceries, I was reminded that this is what I personally need. A time when I will live in truth, faith, and in spirit. I was praying for my parents who are in a city outside Metro Manila. I pray for them each time I can. I am scared, but I can only put my trust and faith in the Lord that He will take care of them.

I was reminded, “if I love my family, the Lord loves them more.” I have to trust the Lord that while we are apart, they are well taken care of. This is one of the days I have to fully rely on the Lord.

I realized how blessed I am. To have a steady job, to have means to survive, to have enough money to buy groceries, to have enough until this lockdown ends, to have a job waiting for me after all of this died down.

Oh, Lord, forgive me for being ungrateful sometimes, or maybe, most of the time. Thank your for this time when I have to fully trust in You. May I rise out of this situation victorious and stronger through Your name.

I will praise Your name, Lord, no matter what.

Here on Earth

38th.

While for some, this January is somewhat dreadful with all what’s happening, this month is another expression of God’s grace and faithfulness to me – blessed to be 38.

I thank and praise the Lord that amidst all the chaos, I can find comfort and hope in His words. I am thankful that my Lord is always faithful and loving, and that He is in control.

For everything that I am, was, and will be, I praise you Lord Jesus – the Alpha and the Omega.

Thank you for this another year. 😘

Here on Earth

Last Saturday of 2019.

Suddenly I was afraid. Fearful for this year to end.

I didn’t intend to sit down and make a careful assessment of how 2019 was to me, but some things that happened made me do so.

As much as I refused to acknowledge it, this year is a year of brokenness, of goodbyes, of closures, of letting go, as much as this is a year of healing and daily renewals.

I realized how much goodbyes there has been for this year. People walked away from me. I lost them, they lost me. I chose to ignore the heartbreaks it brought me. I chose to recognize how God is working in my life, and that He is in control. But suddenly, I was made to realize, that while amidst the brokenness there is God, the brokenness shouldn’t be ignored.

I have to look at it straight on the eye, and find strength and learning from all the cracks, from all the shattered pieces of my heart. God is with me, it’s a fact, but I must acknowledge pain and rise from it.

There were goodbyes and closures in death, in moving to another chapter, in leaving, in being forgotten. This year was filled with healing, with restorations, heartbreaks and failures.

This was the year that I had fall outs. I had been to crossroads. I had been to different places in my life.

2019 has been a year that’s brimming with challenges and unexplained situations. So, I cannot help but wonder, will 2020 be the year of breakthrough for me?

I trust that God is preparing me for something bigger and bolder for 2020. I am excited and scared at the same time. I shouldn’t be. But 2019 is barely closing, who knows about all the surprises this is yet to offer me before the new year strikes.

In Stillness

Remind me. Let me.

Let me run to You, Lord, 
And find rest in You
My head is in a blur
My mind is running faster than my words
I tried to stretch my time
I thought I did, 
But I know I can't.
I tried to put You aside
But doing so only made everything unmanageable
I want to make time for You
But everything else want my full attention, too

Remind me, Oh Lord
that doing Your will is far greater than
All the plans that I've made

Remind me, Oh Lord
that yielding to You is the best way
to manage everything

Remind me, Oh Lord
that doing nothing but enjoying the stillness
with You is the best way to
spend my time

Remind me of my true identity,
of who I am, of who I am made for
of what my true mission is
Of how I have already died of myself

Remind me to see Your love
Remind me to remember how You died for me
Remind me to be grateful of Your faithfulness
Remind me that apart from You I can do nothing

Make me the servant that You want me to be
Make me the friend that You will bring in Your Home
Make me the disciple that I am meant to be
Make me the holy, blameless child the I am 
because of You

Let me run to You, Lord
Only to You,
Let me remember that You are enough
Let me cherish Your love,
Your faithfulness
Your forgiveness
The freedom that I have

In You, Lord
I am loved
I am a child of God. 

Here on Earth

Those Two Years.

This is not about love.

It has been more than a year, but my mind would still go back to those days and nights whenever an opportunity to recall certain memories arise.

Who can blame me? Why blame me, when I am just trying to state a fact, to recall a part of my history, which fortunately, or unfortunately, includes someone I shouldn’t be remembering.

I wonder if I gush whenever I talk about some stories, which include our silly talks, and I hope other people does not notice it. Does my eyes sparkle whenever I talk about him? The mere mention of that person makes my heart flutter, I wonder if my effort to act like he doesn’t matter is working or failing.

It’s silly, I know.

Another part of “our” story, just shut its door. And a part of me was broken when I heard about the news. I tried to bid goodbye to it, and to our memories, wondering what will happen to all of those? I can imagine all the “ghosts” of those memories flying around, maybe searching for a place to stay. I hope the memories will reach to whom it should belong. Will it reach that person? It’s the kind of “ghost” that I would want to haunt him in his dreams. Creepy I know. But those are happy ghosts.

I am not so sure why I am talking about this, why did I even assigned a spot for this thoughts here in my blog. I am not sure why, but just like remembering some part of my history, this brings me joy.

Yes, the thought sparks joy.