Let me run to You, Lord, And find rest in You My head is in a blur My mind is running faster than my words I tried to stretch my time I thought I did, But I know I can't. I tried to put You aside But doing so only made everything unmanageable I want to make time for You But everything else want my full attention, too Remind me, Oh Lord that doing Your will is far greater than All the plans that I've made Remind me, Oh Lord that yielding to You is the best way to manage everything Remind me, Oh Lord that doing nothing but enjoying the stillness with You is the best way to spend my time Remind me of my true identity, of who I am, of who I am made for of what my true mission is Of how I have already died of myself Remind me to see Your love Remind me to remember how You died for me Remind me to be grateful of Your faithfulness Remind me that apart from You I can do nothing Make me the servant that You want me to be Make me the friend that You will bring in Your Home Make me the disciple that I am meant to be Make me the holy, blameless child the I am because of You Let me run to You, Lord Only to You, Let me remember that You are enough Let me cherish Your love, Your faithfulness Your forgiveness The freedom that I have In You, Lord I am loved I am a child of God.
It’s the time of the year again when most of us will prepare resolutions to improve ourselves. Most of the time, admit it, I did, we failed.
Why don’t we try to do it differently this time? Let’s lift our resolutions to Christ, seek Him and lean on Him to change our ways. Christ gives daily opportunity, not just every new year, to change and experience His everlasting love.
Our efforts will be futile if we continue to rely on our own abilities to change. Christ equipped us with everything to help us change, to be confident in His arms, to have that boldness to claim His love, and be His child.
Let’s try it this 2018, with Him!
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2Co 5:17
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
Here I am at 11:35 p.m., searching my heart, my mind, repeatedly asking God, “Lord, what am I supposed to feel? How should a brokenhearted Christian should feel?”
Finally, I saw the proof. The proof that would put all my doubts and hopes to the trash bin. My eyes diverted somewhere. And I held my insides tight, my muscles and brain focus in walking, making sure I would not quiver. That I would not break down. I did not.
“Lord, what’s this feeling? Is this how it is when you are holding my heart, making sure it won’t crack?” I was asking this question, trying to understand the comforting pain I was experiencing.
Thinking about what happened, I know I am shattered; I could use an empty space in a corner, sit in a fetal position until forever. But I can feel God’s love holding me up. I feel His comforting arms hugging me tight, making sure I won’t fall. I feel His gentle hands, holding my delicate heart, healing it every time it cracks. I know I am broken, but He is not letting me fall apart.
I still heard myself laugh nonchalantly, cracked a few jokes in between serious talks, threw some playful gestures and expressions. I was supposed to be crumbling inside and outside, but why am I not feeling it?
I am not so used in this kind of hopeful pain. I am not used in finding comfort in the most absurd situation. I am not used in not breaking down when my heart breaks. It’s been so long when I had my heart broken because of someone. And I barely remember what pain is, since I surrender my life to Christ and Him erasing all the heartbreaks, filling the void with His everlasting love.
This pain, it suddenly feels strangely familiar to me.
I tried to pause and remind myself what I just saw, what it should mean to me, what I should be feeling. I should be breaking down now, bawling, asking God why it has to happen to me. Why again? Why this time?
Yes, I tried asking Him, but a comforting assurance filled my heart. It gave me comfort, it tells me that there’s no need to cry. There’s no need to wallow in pain. There’s no need to feel miserable. There’s a hope that says I may be feeling broken now, but I am not alone. God is with me, and He has a better plan for me.
This is part of His plan.
I remember praying this morning, asking Him to reveal Himself to me, again. I want to encounter Him again, to remind me to find delight in His presence, in pain, in sorrow, in loneliness. And surprise, He just put me in this. I didn’t expect this, but He thinks I need this. I decided to wholeheartedly accept this test. And I know I will get through this.
Yeah, I guess this is how God wanted me to feel a heartbreak. Maybe this is how it’s strangely delightful to be broken while inside Jesus Christ comforting embrace. Maybe this is how it feels to be looking forward for a new beginning, because He just gave me an ending to something I find hard to let go.
I can sleep in comfort tonight, and for the first time, after a heartbreak, I could assure you that no tears will fall on my pillows.
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. ” – James 1:2-4
My God is an awesome God. He is the King of kings. He heals my broken heart.